


i'll be unclean

by epicallyducky



Series: oleander [1]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Serial Killers AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 19:09:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14775509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epicallyducky/pseuds/epicallyducky
Summary: The sound of a puddle being stepped in reins Dirk back into his current predicament. He’s aware of the dirt and grime on his face and in his hair; he’s aware of the slow, subconscious nature by which he’s wiping his hands on his trousers, as if he can hide what he’s done. He feels like a cat that’s been caught taking a giant shit in the middle of a living room floor. So he turns around with that being the last thing on his mind.or: the serial killers au no one asked for





	i'll be unclean

**Author's Note:**

> Well this was weird to write.  
> Anyway this has been on my mind for the _longest_ time now and I haven't written anything proper in forever so here you go, I guess. Also y'all can blame Buzzfeed Unsolved True Crime for making me come up with this.  
>  Not much really happens in this installment yet since it's the setup for the story. There's mentions of stabbing and molestation so be wary!
> 
> Title is from Oleander by Mother Mother

Dirk has no recollection of when this had all started. In his defense, he never has a clear recollection of when _anything_ starts happening. Maybe it’s the literal blood on his hands making his judgement hazy around the edges, but he thinks he should be given some slack for all this. He has not seen Todd, Farah, let alone his own agency’s building in a good four days, and everyone must be worried sick about him. Todd has most likely phoned Amanda all up in a panic by now. Todd is the last person Dirk wants to see –let alone think about right now.

A month; It has been roughly a month since the first time he did this, the current occasion being his second. No, he hasn’t told anyone. Dirk had decided not to worry about them too much, which says something since he always finds a reason to worry about _everything._ If you asked him, he would tell you he’d started to feel somewhat numb to the situation.

Murdering someone in the dead of night probably shouldn’t do that to you.

He has a knife in his trousers pocket that’s digging into his leg a bit but not enough to poke a hole through the fabric. He has no recollection of where he got the knife, either.

Dirk assumes he’d hit his head somewhere. The mere thought of punching someone in the face used to put him in a state of shock for even considering it, and yet here he was, standing over the lifeless body he himself had rendered lifeless not only ten minutes ago. He could faintly see the small cloud of his breath seep out of his mouth every time he breathed. Eight seconds of inhaling, hold in for four seconds, and then exhale for seven. Just like he taught Todd for whenever he’s coming down from a pararibulitis attack.

Someone came into the agency several weeks earlier –something about a missing husband. All Dirk could hear was static that got louder the more the client went on. The husband was last seen with a red umbrella and wearing a dark-green trench coat as it was raining that day. He was out to buy groceries however he had failed to return even six hours later, which of course led his wife to worry.

Dirk had known very well that her husband had bought those groceries.

Dirk had also known very well that her husband had almost done something verily lacking in consensual nature to Farah a month prior.

What Dirk _didn’t_ know was how to tell this poor woman that her husband is – _was_ a goddamn prick and also had his blood washed off Dirk’s hands the night before.

The sound of a puddle being stepped in reins Dirk back into his current predicament much similar to the previous one. He’s aware of the dirt and grime on his face and in his hair; he’s aware of the slow, subconscious nature by which he’s wiping his hands on his trousers, as if he can hide what he’s done. He feels like a cat that’s been caught taking a giant shit in the middle of a living room floor. So he turns around with that being the last thing on his mind.

“Dirk?” the man in question squints against the light from a lamp post making contact with his eyes and ceases the motions of his hands, letting them rest by his sides. He can make out a silhouette at the entrance of the alleyway although he already knows who it is. Dirk chooses to stay silent; Feigns aloofness.

“Dirk is that you?” the voice tries again. More sounds of puddles being disturbed echo in the night until Dirk goes stiff at the feeling of familiar hands gripping his arms.

Todd seems to be more focused on Dirk’s face more than anything, probably checking to see if he was in pain. Dirk doesn’t feel said pain until after Todd’s eyes widen at the sight of the rest of his state.

“Is that _your blood?”_ Todd asks, a bit lightheaded-sounding and Dirk doesn’t have the energy to even wince at the tone. Instead he focuses on the dark and dripping wall next to him. The rain must have stopped and he hadn’t noticed. He hopes Todd had taken an umbrella with him when he set out for his search.

Dirk feels the hold on his arms loosen up; Todd’s hands coming up to gently hold his face. Dirk decides to look at him in the eyes this time and finds Todd is looking somewhere behind him.

His stomach falls the same time his tears do. Todd holds him through it.

“I’m sorry,” Dirk manages to muffle into the jacket Todd is wearing, burying his face into the other’s shoulder. Todd automatically wraps his arms around his partner’s frame and starts rubbing his back the way he knows gets Dirk to relax. If Todd had noticed the dead body behind Dirk, he doesn’t mention it, and Dirk is forever grateful. Dirk’s hands start shaking the same time he thinks that Todd from two years ago wouldn’t have had the same reaction. Patrick Spring case Todd would have screamed, call him a monster and end their friendship a lot sooner than what originally almost happened. Dirk tries to zero in on Todd’s breathing and match it.

Inhale for eight.

“I was so worried about you,”

Hold for four.

“Please never go off like that again,”

Exhale for seven.

“We –we need to get you home.”

Todd’s voice is far too calm for Dirk to want to move his legs, so he pushes his face into the other’s neck and hopes Todd will understand. He feels Todd sigh into his hair and Dirk reaches up to hold onto the front of his hoodie. Their height difference does no favors on Dirk’s back but he thinks he will manage.

Todd carefully slips out the knife from Dirk’s pocket, careful not to hurt him. From his peripheral vision, he sees Todd put the knife into his hoodie pocket, and Dirk wants to scold him because the thing was still covered in blood.

Dirk wonders for a moment why the universe was being such a pain in the ass.

**Author's Note:**

> oof
> 
> btw if i consider wanting to add smut to this series hmu on my [tumblr](http://epicallyducky.tumblr.com/) if you want to write it since i'm too awkward to write that shit tbh and i'll credit you or you can make it your own separate thing ! ~~bottom todd is preferable thanks~~
> 
> please tell me if this has any errors bc i didn't proofread it. thanks y'all


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